Mario 4 President
by OBCT
Summary: Mario is running for President against Crash Bandicoot. Enjoy. Rating is for slight swearing and implied language.
1. Mario 4 President

(Looks up at the computer) Oh, word has finally loaded. Its not that I have a slow PC its just it screwed up this avo. Anyway I was stumbling through fanfiction.net in a half drunken haze when I stumbled upon a story called "Link, Skullkid and a Video Camera"(Read it, just search the name). Anyway some how my twisted mind got onto the subject of what would happen if the Nintendo crew ran for president against Sony. Anyway I have just started to type this without even considering the story but I'm going to reach that obstacle when the time comes which happens to be quite soon. Darn! By the way I am OBCT if you were wondering.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't have any rights to Nintendo or Sony but I am waging a terrorist war against Sony.  
  
=^=!!=^=  
  
1 Chapter 1: Orphans, Petrol and a Mop  
  
Some random family flips through the channels and ends up watching the news. The announcer comes on.  
  
Announcer: When asked why he did it President Bush replied "The opportunity was there. The orphans, the petrol and the mop. It all just fell perfectly into place"  
  
Announcer: With the president being forced to step down there will be an election soon despite the fact that the vice should take his place. It doesn't make sense does ."  
  
Announcer explodes in a ball of flames and OBCT appears where he was sitting.  
  
OBCT: The two candidates for the election are a mister Mario Mario and his opposition is a mister Crash Bandicoot (OBCT holds back laughter at the mention of Crash's name). Anyway I only appeared here to cover up the little knowledge of politics so I think its about time I left.  
  
OBCT disappears in a puff of smoke and the random family just sits there wondering what just happened.  
  
Meanwhile, in the White House.  
  
Woody Allen dressed as a government agent sits there wondering where he went wrong to end up in a B-grade fan-fic like this. Mario enters the room followed by a possie consisting of Luigi, Peach, D.K, Toad, Link and Zelda. They all take there seats around a long table and all look at Woody as if to say "ha ha, you barely get any lines in this fic and you have been in major movies". Well D.K thought something different but that's expected of a monkey.  
  
DK: I'm an ape not a monkey!  
  
OBCT: Shut up chimpy or I'll shove your banana in a blender!  
  
DK: (really quickly) I'll be good  
  
OBCT: That's better. Now has anyone seen Bowser?  
  
Everybody: No  
  
OBCT: I guess I'll kill him next time he appears sometime in the fic. And that goes 4 the rest of yous: you turn up on time or I'll turn you inside out before you can say "oh no, I'm being turned inside out!"  
  
Mario: Can we get on with this?  
  
OBCT: Sorry, got a little carried away  
  
Woody: OK, well as you have probably heard you are up against Sony so you are in a lot of trouble.  
  
OBCT: HOW DARE YOU PRAISE SONY IN MY FAN-FIC!!!  
  
OBCT turns Woody inside out!  
  
OBCT: What he meant to say is that you have no worries when it comes to your opponents so why don't you all just go out and party!!!  
  
Link: Oh joy!  
  
Link grabs Zelda and runs out the door and into the presidential sweet where the walls start shaking.  
  
OBCT: Go Link! As for the rest of you what are you waiting for, go out and get some!  
  
Everybody: YAY!!!  
  
  
  
So what did you think. If I get more than 5 reviews I will continue. R+R 


	2. Crash rears his ugly head

Well Well Well,  
  
This story has gotten reviews quicker than any other of my stories so I figured I should update it.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Nintendo or Sony. I am the president though.  
  
=^=!!=^=  
  
Crash Bandicoot walked up and down the corridors of his little shack wondering what the hell he was to do. He was running for president in a story where the author is going to make him lose in the most humiliating way possible but he still has to act as though he was trying. In walked Cortex dressed in a business suit.  
  
Cortex: Hey OBCT, what is it that I'm doing here again?  
  
OBCT: Your Crash's political adviser.  
  
Cortex: Why can't I run for president instead of Crash?  
  
Crash: Cause I have more charisma.  
  
OBCT: No Crash, I don't know where you got the Idea that you have charisma. The reason I didn't make Cortex run for president is I wanted to humiliate you Crash.  
  
Cortex: HA HA!  
  
OBCT: OK, now that we got that sorted out get to work.  
  
Crash and Cortex: OK  
  
Cortex: OK Crash, here is how you stand (takes out an easel from no where). See this line at the top of the popularity chart.  
  
Crash: Yeah  
  
Cortex: That's Mario. If it were my choice I'd be working with him and his crew but I got stuck with you. Anyway, they are out partying and getting some and that's what I want to do so see ya.  
  
Cortex runs out door and heads to the nearest whorehouse.  
  
Crash: (sigh) If only I had a competent team backing me, then I might look like I have some dignity.  
  
OBCT: Stop your bitching! The death toll is rising and you wouldn't want to end up on it would you.  
  
Crash: I beg of you, please kill me. Put me out of my misery.  
  
OBCT: All in due time, all in due time.  
  
A shadowy figure walks into the room.  
  
Shadowy Figure: OBCT, could you please leave, I have to talk to Crash privately.  
  
OBCT: You do know that I'm gonna find out anyway, I am the author remember.  
  
SF: Oh yeah. OK I guess I'll just say it. My name is Solid Snake. I have heard that you are in an utterly hopeless election and would like to offer my services.  
  
Crash: What kind of services?  
  
Snake whispers in Crashes ear. A smile runs across his face.  
  
Crash: OK you got a deal.  
  
Crash and Snake shake hands and snake leaves the room.  
  
OBCT: What did he say?  
  
Crash: Not telling.  
  
OBCT: Don't make me turn you into a Piccaso.  
  
Crash: OK, OK, I'll tell. He is going to assassinate Mario (Starts laughing maniacally)  
  
OBCT: Oh well, we'll just send agent Dark after him.  
  
Did you like it? R+R 


	3. What did I do last night

Mua ha ha ha,  
  
I am the lord and master of all that is within this story so, um. OK I was just rambling on but I could have ended that sentence really well. Anyway, so far this is my most popular fan fic (despite the fact I wrote the first chapter just to mess around with some ideas). Please, I beg of you, read my other stories. They need reviews to.  
  
=^=!!=^=  
  
Mario wakes up with a head ache. He could barely remember what he had done last night. He looked over to see peach laying next to him with her hair all messed up. He looked over even further to see Luigi laying next to peach. Then next to Luigi lay Toad! What the hell had they done last night? Mario decided he should take a shower. Who knows what he has on him after last night. After he took a shower he went downstairs to find a hobo laying on the table and a mountain of beer cans in the kitchen's corner. He walked forward. and stood in vomit!  
  
Mario: OBCT, could you come here please?  
  
OBCT appears in a puff of smoke  
  
OBCT: What?  
  
Mario: Can you send a crappy Sony character in here to clean this up?  
  
OBCT: Yeah, sure.  
  
OBCT brings Lara Croft there and puts her in a maids outfit.  
  
Lara: Hey, how did I get here?  
  
OBCT: Shut up bitch and start scrubbing!  
  
Lara: Aren't you the author?  
  
OBCT: Yes  
  
Lara: Then how did you get in the story?  
  
OBCT: SILENCE!!!  
  
Lara: OK I'll scrub.  
  
OBCT: Good. Now Mario, we have a situation.  
  
Mario: I know, we're all out of Fruit Loops!  
  
OBCT: No Mario, you have an assasin.  
  
Mario: He He, you said ass  
  
OBCT: Your quite dull, you know that, dull  
  
Mario looks puzzled  
  
OBCT: Don't worry, we are sending Agent Dark after the assassin  
  
Mario: Who is the, um, asarin?  
  
OBCT: Solid Snake.  
  
Mario: Solid who?  
  
OBCT: Exactly  
  
OBCT looks around.  
  
OBCT: I guess your gonna want to be alone for this  
  
Mario: I can't remember last night but I'm sure it was horrible  
  
OBCT: I'll spare you the details. OK, I best be off. Have to go and "brief" Agent Dark^_^  
  
R+R please. 


	4. So thats what I did last night. Ewwwww!!...

Welcome back to my most popular fic ever,  
  
I've decided that I am going to start my updates with a nice new chapter of mario. Please read and review so I know that not everyone has forgotten about me.  
  
=^=!!=^=  
  
OBCT struts into the Carrington institute wearing a Bond Tuxedo and holding a Gold Falcon 2 Scope. He finds the weapons room, walks in and replaces then, in a puff of smoke, the targets turn into cardboard Crash Bandicoots. He then fires round after round into them until they are unrecognisable. A sexy, leather Joana Dark enters the room.  
  
Joana: Nice shooting  
  
OBCT: Thanks. Now lets skip the small talk and get down to business. Your Job is to go and make salsa out of solid snake. You will have help with this assignment in the form of another elite nintendo gun woman, Samus Aran.  
  
Joana: Ive heard of her. She was mentioned in the reviews.  
  
OBCT: Hey, your not supposed to read the reviews.  
  
Joana: And why not?  
  
Joana pulls out 2 AR34 Assault Rifles seamingly from nowhere.  
  
OBCT: Ummmm... I'm not sure. Tell ya what, lets forget this ever happenned. Onto your mission. We want you to lay waste to Solid Snake and embarass Sony as much as possible along the way.  
  
Joana: Doesnt sound to hard. By the way, dont you think you are being a little bit biased with this story.  
  
OBCT: Well duh!!! Thats the point. Sheeeeeeesh.  
  
OBCT: I best be off. You will rondezvous with Samus in 1 hour at Greyfox Headquaters.  
  
OBCT dissapears in a puff of smoke and Joana leaves to meat with Samus.  
  
=^=!!=^=  
  
OBCT apears back at the Whitehouse where Lara is just finishing up her duties. Mario and Co and in the dining room trying to figure out what happened last night.  
  
Mario: I hope for your sake, Toad, that the reason I smell of mushrooms is dinner!  
  
Luigi: By the way, Toad, what the hell are you, a he or a she?  
  
Toad: A lil from collum A and a lil from collum B  
  
Everybody shudders violently. Mario notices OBCT.  
  
Mario: OBCT, could you please explain what we did last night before we go crazy?  
  
OBCT: OK but it wasn't pretty.  
  
OBCT explains the entire story. By the end of it Peach has passed out and Luigi is vomiting.  
  
Mario: Why you little, FUCKEN WEIRDO, PERVERTED, VOMIT INDUCING FUNGUS!!!!!!!  
  
HOW DARE YOU DO THAT TO ME AND PEACH!!!!!!!  
  
Toad: I swear it wasnt me.  
  
Mario: I'LL KILL HIM!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Mario gets up and starts firing fire balls at Toad!  
  
Toad: Help me OBCT! Please, I beg of you!  
  
OBCT: Not until the next chapter.  
  
OBCT starts laughing maniacally.  
  
____________________________________________________________________________ ______  
  
So what did you think. I wont update until I have 5 reviews. 


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